Personal Blog
Nowhere Else
Sometimes I am present intentionally and then there are times I am present because there is nowhere else I’d rather be. It is in those moments I feel the most alive.
Alive and Magical
e are magnificent creatures capable of doing so many spectacular things and yet many of us are concerned about what we are not capable of doing. We take for granted that which can do effortlessly. When I think about these things I am filled with joy and gratitude. I am alive and I am magical.
Stories
I have learned and have come to accept that all stories have a beginning and an end. Some stories are incredibly short, others epic and long. Sometimes, it is the shortest, most simplest of stories that tell the most profound truth.
Connected
Twice I have had dreams come true and many many other times I have dreamt about someone that either contacted me the next day or I ran into. I believe there is something connecting us all. If we open ourselves to it, we feel it. I feel it all the time. I can’t stop feeling it.
Touch
My father was a jealous man and grew angry if my mother showed me affection. Therefore, she did so in secret. Many people will tell you that my mother, a woman who practices energy healing (and massage therapy), has a magical touch and I craved that energy.
JP
We spend every moment at home in the same room. He dances when I dance. He loves watching me paint - but - if I don’t pay enough attention to him, he will tap me
New
As I was walking home today, a thought occurred to me. What if I didn’t recognize anything and everything was new? How magical would that be? Some might find that terrifying but I know I would be captivated. That which we think is ordinary is often magnificent if we really think about how it came to existence.
The Present Moment
Whenever I find myself lost in thoughts that are not healthy, I bring myself to the present moment. I use all my senses to be exactly where I am. The more I practice this, the better I get.
Truths
We can have many truths at once. In fact, we can have infinite! We should not limit ourselves. Life is not black and white. It is colorful. It is messy. It is so beautifully unpredictable. ⠀⠀⠀
Wrinkles
I have blossomed every place I’ve been planted and at times they were dark and dry places. Places where the sun did not shine, the soil did not nourish and there was no rain to cleanse.
Back to Art
Life events have that ability. The ability to take what you think you know about yourself and make it disappear. And then you are left there questioning everything. Who are you? What are your values? What are your needs?
Balance
I’ve learned that if someone withdraws to point where I cannot reach them any longer, the best way to love them and myself is to let them go in hopes that we find each other once again in the future or another life.
Toes
Ever since I was old enough to be self-conscious, I have been embarrassed about my toes. I have a genetic trait that makes my third toe curl under my second. Due to this my other toes fit improperly in shoes and become calloused.
Teachers
I have found that the right people make their way into my life when I need them. Sometimes, it is a completely new person. Other times it is a friend or mentor (or both) that I suddenly reconnect with. And when they come, they come bearing gifts - gifts of wisdom, gifts of inspiration, gifts of love.
Change
He came after me with fists, hangers and belts. The physical pain was nothing. I wasn’t afraid of it. I challenged him and stepped in front of his terror when it was addressed to anyone but me. It was the psychological abuse that messed me up.
Woman on Fire
Women expressing their sensuality is taboo and stigmatized in society. We are subjected to play a role. If we get the wrong type of attention, it is our fault. I have been criticized by people in my extended family regarding my posts.
Stress
I think it is because I was a child I was most creative when I was stressed - when I was barely surviving. It was my escape. It was a way for me to deal with my circumstances. 2 years and 10 months ago, I was desperate for an escape and like magic, art came back to me. It saved me. Now, I am free of that pain and happy again so I need the stress of limited time to fuel my creative spark.
31 and Just Getting Started
Today I turned 31. I can finally say I know exactly who I am. I am confident. I am fearless. I am creative. I am loving. I am a fighter and a survivor. I am complicated and at times contradictory. I am both right and left brained. I am what words cannot describe and I am constantly changing.
Letting Go
Much like an archeologist, I have excavated many ideas for new paintings from within the deepest parts of my soul. inspiration is flowing out of me faster than I have the ability to capture it. ⠀⠀⠀
Brighter the Light, Darker the Shadow
When you grow up with a father who abused you daily,
When you have a father who tried to convince you that your mother's miscarriage was your fault because “God was saving the family from having another disaster,”
Process
I feel like I get it. That I am starting to understand life, or at least that I am very conscious of it. I’m conscious of myself and my emotions. I am conscious of my body language and the language of others. I am conscious of the games that people play. I am conscious of my own mental traps.
Call Me They
When I first met Jonathan, their energy drew me in. Their compassion and love for others were palpable. I knew right away that I wanted to know more. A few months ago, Jonathan and I finally got the chance to connect, and I got an hour of time with this precious human being. Here is a snippet of their story.
Risk Taker
I am a risk taker. From the stories I have heard about my childhood, it seems that I have always been that way. I put myself in uncomfortable and scary situations on purpose.
Systems of Oppression
We cannot speak of oppression without talking about privilege and we cannot talk about privilege without feeling shame. But, what if we could put that shame aside and really look at the gears that control the systems of oppression?
The Talking Tree
There is an infinite amount of knowledge that we do not yet have about ourselves and the world around us. We are so limited by our senses and our minds. I often wonder - what colors am I not seeing? What sounds am I not hearing? What do I really know? What truth am I missing?
Transforming Reality
The other day, I was trying really hard to remember a memory and something occurred to me.
I've forgotten a lot.
Isn't our personality partly derived from the memory of our experiences? Yet I don't remember everything. So, what my brain does decide to remember and how my brain decides to remember it really drives who I am today. I realized that I am so positive because I had no choice but to put a glossy coat over my experiences. To survive I had to escape and so I've always created ...
I've forgotten a lot.
Isn't our personality partly derived from the memory of our experiences? Yet I don't remember everything. So, what my brain does decide to remember and how my brain decides to remember it really drives who I am today. I realized that I am so positive because I had no choice but to put a glossy coat over my experiences. To survive I had to escape and so I've always created ...
Three Deaths
"I was in shock. I walked into the bathroom, splashed cold water on my face and said 'give me all the information you have'"
The Happy Panda
Happiness. What is it? I have heard many people say that I am one of the joyous people they have met. I find this comment to be interesting. I agree that I frequently have many genuinely elated moments but on the flip side I experience moments of great melancholy and that sorrow runs deep. I find that I am often hiding behind a smile or an exclamation mark...
My First Commissioned Piece
I still remember the look on her face when she first saw it. Disgust. "This isn't what I wanted" she said in a tone that was bitter, almost irate. I remember entering the room and her reaction, I don't remember much else.
Yoga
I know She is there. I can feel Her. And She is beautiful. She is calm yet energetic. She is loving and compassionate yet strong and determined. She has forgiven all, including me, of mistakes made because She understands that life is a journey full of turns, climbs, leaps and falls. She loves even my father and reminds me that I should love him too. Lately I have felt a great urge to be with Her. When I meditate I focus on Her: who She is, how I can be more like Her.
The Queen Piece
Is it any wonder that in chess the queen piece is the most versatile and powerful piece? She can go any direction and travel any distance. To lose her is to lose the most valuable piece in the game.
Black Hole
This man is a black hole. He is destruction. He will set our country backwards many decades if we do not take a stand.
The Lotus
This beautiful flower may lie dormant for years during times of drought only to rise again with the return of water. When it does rise, it rises from unclean water to blossom as a pure, uncontaminated flower and for that reason it is a symbol of purity and resurrection.
Honey Bee
As I was walking back from my class yesterday I observed something quite interesting. At first I didn't know what was going on... why were 250 pound grown men running away from the park bench and screaming? What could possibly be so frightening to these meaty men?
Hidden Self
I was acutely aware of how there was a version of me that everyone saw and reacted to; yet the biggest parts of me - the experiences that shaped who I was - remained hidden.