Hope on Dragonfly Wings

I painted this originally for a submission to UCSF (my employer).  I find a lot of purpose and meaning in the work I do here.   UCSF takes in all patients and does not discriminate based on insurance.  Our physicians are  brilliant and completely dedicated to improving the lives of their patients.   Our slogans are "redefining possible" and "everyday we make breakthroughs that turn hope into reality." And so, I set out to paint about hope and for some reason a dragonfly came to mind.  But, apart from the general theme, there was no specific meaning.    

And then I hiked with her.   

We went to Forest of Nicene Marks - a magical place that seemed appropriate for this painting.  The best part of this hike is that it is a challenge.  You have to cross streams, balance on fallen trees, climb over rocks, hug the side of a cliff, etc.  What made it more challenging was carrying a heavy painting.   About 20 mins into the hike, I sprained my back and Andy sprained his ankle.  Despite my back injury, I refused to let Andy help with the painting because carrying it was my journey.

We finally made it to our destination - a quaint little waterfall.  As I was positioning myself in the frigid water, two women approached Andy.  I couldn't hear much of the conversation but Andy filled me in later.   Like all other people on the hike they were really curious.  Andy explained the painting and how I did it.  As they left, they said "It is so nice of you to carry the painting for her."  They made the assumption that the man carried this large painting the entire hike!  When I asked Andy what his retort was, he said he just smiled.  The last time Andy and I have had a disagreement was last year.  He didn't understand why I was hurt.  He didn't feel like he did anything wrong because he didn't accept the credit, he said nothing.  And yet, I carried this heavy painting with a sprained back, often yelping in pain as I climbed over rocks.    

This was an opportunity for me to educate him.  Society often gives credit to a man for a woman's accomplishment.  No matter how big or small, this hurts.  Saying nothing is just as bad as accepting the credit.

This small event made me think of so many others.  I remember the time that a colleague of mine was rewarded an innovation award for PEAK.  PEAK is my program, my idea, I named it and I pitched it to the executives.  Sure, I got LOTS of help and it wouldn't have been possible to implement without the support of countless people (including my colleague, my boss, sponsors, and my VPs), but how did he get the award without any mention of me?  Not his fault.  He was just as surprised as I was but he did not say anything when he accepted the award.  This hurt me because just the year prior I stood up at an all hands meeting and gave him credit for an incredible feat he accomplished that had gone unnoticed.  I will say, that since that awards event, he has gone out of his way to advocate for me.  

I had a team member on the PEAK team who towards the end of his employment really stopped caring because he had his own side business and didn't feel the same sense of ownership I that I did with PEAK.  Understandable, I didn't mind that he didn't feel the same commitment.  He took a step down from a director position to work with me and I valued his experience and counsel greatly.   However, after he quit, he put on his LinkedIn that he directed the program.    Oh, how that hurt.  I was the one who put in 80 hours a week.  I put all of my heart and soul into this program.  I believed in our mission and I believed in the amazing people on the team.  How dare someone else take credit?

There are countless other times I can think of men taking credit for my work or my ideas.  Each time it stings.  And for that reason, I MUST promote myself and I MUST promote the work of other women.  If we do not do it for ourselves and for each other, who else will? 

And so, the meaning of this painting has transformed but it is still about hope. 

I hope that women do not feel ashamed to promote themselves or their ideas.

I hope that we lift each other up. 

I hope that men never stay silent when credit is given to them for the work of a woman.

I hope that men do not purposely take credit for the work that a woman does.  

I hope for other things too, like the same social, economic and political rights as men.  You know, the basics.  

Going back to my original story of the hike.  Andy understood.  The most amazing thing about Andy is that he learns quickly and never makes the same mistake twice.   In that way, he is much better of a partner than I am.  He is my biggest fan and greatest supporter and to be fair, although he wasn't carrying the painting, he did carry all of our water and food in the backpack with a sprained ankle.  

But the best part of all this?  On the way back I was so fueled by anger (from remembering the colleague that took credit for my work on LinkedIn) that I passed the two ladies that gave Andy credit.  They saw me and said "oh YOU are carrying the painting" and I smiled and said "Of course, I carried it both ways."

Vindicated.  

(09.27.17)

 

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