Color is a focus of my work for a variety of reasons, but the main reason is for healing. My father was an angry and violent man. He took out his rage on his family daily and I took it upon myself to protect my mother and brother from him by becoming the focus of his fury. We didn’t have much, but my mother filled our home with colorful art to bring radiance into an otherwise dark place. I followed in her footsteps and escaped into vibrant art of all shapes and forms. Getting into the flow of mindful art creation has been the single most important part of my healing. I hope to share the happiness that colorful art brings me with others, especially children.
There were times in my life where I was the villain in someone else’s story. I acknowledge that, I am regretful for hurting people and I am working on forgiving myself for it.
Art has saved me twice. First as a child, creating art was the only thing that helped me deal with the constant terror and destruction in my household.
Raised Hindu, I resisted it in my youth since my father was a devout Hindu who felt that he could beat the shit out of me and then pray for forgiveness and it would be okay. We moved to basically an all white/Christian community and I found myself going to church - at one point nearly 3 times a week.
I’ve come a long way to stand where I’m standing - and I am grateful. Art has saved me twice. First as a child, creating art was the only thing that helped me deal with the constant terror and destruction in my household. After I got out of that situation, I took a long break from art and then it saved me again as an adult when I poured my heart and soul into my career (and the people I led) at UCSF and burned out from it. Art has given me purpose. It has helped me discover who I am and what I am capable of. It has given me a tremendous amount of inner power and confidence. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ I can’t wait to see what I will manifest in 2020.
I had the incredible opportunity to meet Malala at Mass Women's Conference. She has been my hero for many years. Although I cannot relate to getting shot by terrorists for standing for what I believe in, I relate in that what I endured as a child has made who I am today - someone who relentlessly pursues rights for women by bringing awareness to the issues such as equity in the workplace and domestic abuse.
“I live out loud now because I was forced to be silent for so long.” For me, living out loud... writing about it constantly & painting about it helps me. Others heal in ways that are not visible.
I thought about what it must have been like to be a 4 year old little girl taken away from an extended family that showered her with constant joy and love to then meet her father in the US - a man she didn’t know & who brought terror into her life - in a country that was completely foreign and with no money, immersed in a language she did not speak.
My father was a jealous man and grew angry if my mother showed me affection. Therefore, she did so in secret. Many people will tell you that my mother, a woman who practices energy healing (and massage therapy), has a magical touch and I craved that energy.
He came after me with fists, hangers and belts. The physical pain was nothing. I wasn’t afraid of it. I challenged him and stepped in front of his terror when it was addressed to anyone but me. It was the psychological abuse that messed me up.
I think it is because I was a child I was most creative when I was stressed - when I was barely surviving. It was my escape. It was a way for me to deal with my circumstances. 2 years and 10 months ago, I was desperate for an escape and like magic, art came back to me. It saved me. Now, I am free of that pain and happy again so I need the stress of limited time to fuel my creative spark.
When you grow up with a father who abused you daily,
When you have a father who tried to convince you that your mother's miscarriage was your fault because “God was saving the family from having another disaster,”
I was acutely aware of how there was a version of me that everyone saw and reacted to; yet the biggest parts of me - the experiences that shaped who I was - remained hidden.