Growth
The Villain
There were times in my life where I was the villain in someone else’s story. I acknowledge that, I am regretful for hurting people and I am working on forgiving myself for it.
Moorea
I wish I could go back to those moments and tell myself that everything will work out and that I would regret not being present. You couldn’t tell from my pictures what I was going through. You can never tell with anyone. And *that* is how social media can lie.
Am I Always Happy?
Someone recently asked me if I’m always happy and laughing and no, I am not. Most of my life I struggled with depression and anxiety. For me, medication only made things worse since it took away my creativity and resulted in some harmful and compulsive behaviors.
New Mediums
Before I dive into a large project, I always: 1. read tutorials or watch YouTube/Skillshare videos. Someone has used the medium before and is willing to teach 2. test it out. 3. take note of mistakes and learn from them.
I've Come a Long Way
Art has saved me twice. First as a child, creating art was the only thing that helped me deal with the constant terror and destruction in my household.
On the Topic of Transformation
I am acutely aware of how habits run my life and I have had to harness them in order to transform who I am. I appreciate big changes such as a move across country because it gives me the ability to jump-start the transition into new habits and therefore acquire new thoughts, new patterns, new behaviors, and eventually a new self. ⠀
The Challenges of Abstact Painting
I face the same challenge in life and in my career. I always have the urge to do more - I want to add more, be more, love more, learn more. I have an insatiable appetite to grow.
Hidden Myself
This creative process is life changing. My art transforms me and I in turn transform my art. Now, when I introduce myself, I say “My name is Lona, and I am an artist.” THAT is what defines me - my heart and my soul.
Amidst Tears
He saw me through my most formative and formidable years.
He saw the birth of my rebellion.
Muse
There are certain energies that inspire me the most. I seek them out, crave being in their presence. A short interaction is all I need to sustain my creativity. It can be energy from a person, a place, music, animals, experiences... options are limitless I just have to seek them out.
Columbus, Ohio
Why did I leave? Looking back, the move to San Francisco was necessary. I needed to run away and start over. I needed to figure out who I was without constantly being reminded of my past.
Phone
I feel like I’m being controlled by it. I don’t like that feeling and so I rebel on the weekends and take the control back.
Focus
One of the things that I struggle with when I want to make art is focus. As soon as I walk into my studio my brain starts firing in a thousand different directions. I think about all of the possible projects and this paralyzes me.
Space
I have learned the value of space. Space from people, space from work, space from social media, space from my own thoughts. By clinging on to people, work, and other attachments I lost my sense of self for a while.
A Long Way
I’ve come a long way to stand where I’m standing - and I am grateful. Art has saved me twice. First as a child, creating art was the only thing that helped me deal with the constant terror and destruction in my household. After I got out of that situation, I took a long break from art and then it saved me again as an adult when I poured my heart and soul into my career (and the people I led) at UCSF and burned out from it. Art has given me purpose. It has helped me discover who I am and what I am capable of. It has given me a tremendous amount of inner power and confidence. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I can’t wait to see what I will manifest in 2020.
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I can’t wait to see what I will manifest in 2020.
Meeting Malala
I had the incredible opportunity to meet Malala at Mass Women's Conference. She has been my hero for many years. Although I cannot relate to getting shot by terrorists for standing for what I believe in, I relate in that what I endured as a child has made who I am today - someone who relentlessly pursues rights for women by bringing awareness to the issues such as equity in the workplace and domestic abuse.
Matriarchal Strength
Who were they? Did they all share the joy and love and creativity that I see within my ma and Aita? What sacrifices did they endure? What were their accomplishments? What were their fears? Who did they love? Who broke their hearts? What were their secrets?
Heartbreak
Memories, I’ve learned, can be both a blessing and a curse. It’s easy to get stuck in a loop of them, wanting something back that is gone. I’ve lived in this hell before and I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve learned from getting out of it.
Leaving Boston
My growth was certainly accelerated by the move here. It allowed me to let go of parts of me I never thought I’d release. It breaks my heart to leave so soon, but big changes have become less scary and more exciting because I know if nothing else, I’ll grow from it.
Valkyrie
“I live out loud now because I was forced to be silent for so long.” For me, living out loud... writing about it constantly & painting about it helps me. Others heal in ways that are not visible.
Empathy for Lona
I thought about what it must have been like to be a 4 year old little girl taken away from an extended family that showered her with constant joy and love to then meet her father in the US - a man she didn’t know & who brought terror into her life - in a country that was completely foreign and with no money, immersed in a language she did not speak.
My Brother
It brings tears to my eyes to think of how he has grown from the baby boy I used to protect to a wise and strong man.
Chaos
I love to create because no matter how chaotic or even tragic life can be, I know that I am bringing beauty into the world. It was always my escape as a child. If I find myself spiraling about anything, I think of art and I am transported to place where the cause of the spiral no longer matters. Art has helped me control and channel my emotions better than anything ever has. If you are struggling with depression or anxiety, I encourage you create and I encourage you to share. Holding in that energy will only destroy. ⠀⠀
Existential Crisis
For a while I was having an art existential crisis. I felt like I didn’t really have direction and I was all over the place. Is my focus woman? Is it mandalas? Resin? Since I am not a full time artist, I don’t need to define a style and that gives me more freedom.
Groove
We are creating grooves within our eternally complex mind with every feeling, thought and action. I continually ask myself, what groove am I deepening now? What new groove do I want to carve out? Art is just a byproduct of my most important creation - myself.
Day Job
My role is all about relationships and there is nothing I enjoy more than getting to know and connecting with someone else - not even art. It certainly is not an 8-5 job. There are weeks where I can hardly find any balance at all - especially when I travel. But, I will always find time for a little art.
Alive and Magical
e are magnificent creatures capable of doing so many spectacular things and yet many of us are concerned about what we are not capable of doing. We take for granted that which can do effortlessly. When I think about these things I am filled with joy and gratitude. I am alive and I am magical.
Stories
I have learned and have come to accept that all stories have a beginning and an end. Some stories are incredibly short, others epic and long. Sometimes, it is the shortest, most simplest of stories that tell the most profound truth.
The Present Moment
Whenever I find myself lost in thoughts that are not healthy, I bring myself to the present moment. I use all my senses to be exactly where I am. The more I practice this, the better I get.
Truths
We can have many truths at once. In fact, we can have infinite! We should not limit ourselves. Life is not black and white. It is colorful. It is messy. It is so beautifully unpredictable. ⠀⠀⠀
Wrinkles
I have blossomed every place I’ve been planted and at times they were dark and dry places. Places where the sun did not shine, the soil did not nourish and there was no rain to cleanse.
Back to Art
Life events have that ability. The ability to take what you think you know about yourself and make it disappear. And then you are left there questioning everything. Who are you? What are your values? What are your needs?
Balance
I’ve learned that if someone withdraws to point where I cannot reach them any longer, the best way to love them and myself is to let them go in hopes that we find each other once again in the future or another life.
Toes
Ever since I was old enough to be self-conscious, I have been embarrassed about my toes. I have a genetic trait that makes my third toe curl under my second. Due to this my other toes fit improperly in shoes and become calloused.
Teachers
I have found that the right people make their way into my life when I need them. Sometimes, it is a completely new person. Other times it is a friend or mentor (or both) that I suddenly reconnect with. And when they come, they come bearing gifts - gifts of wisdom, gifts of inspiration, gifts of love.
Change
He came after me with fists, hangers and belts. The physical pain was nothing. I wasn’t afraid of it. I challenged him and stepped in front of his terror when it was addressed to anyone but me. It was the psychological abuse that messed me up.
Letting Go
Much like an archeologist, I have excavated many ideas for new paintings from within the deepest parts of my soul. inspiration is flowing out of me faster than I have the ability to capture it. ⠀⠀⠀
Brighter the Light, Darker the Shadow
When you grow up with a father who abused you daily,
When you have a father who tried to convince you that your mother's miscarriage was your fault because “God was saving the family from having another disaster,”
Process
I feel like I get it. That I am starting to understand life, or at least that I am very conscious of it. I’m conscious of myself and my emotions. I am conscious of my body language and the language of others. I am conscious of the games that people play. I am conscious of my own mental traps.
Risk Taker
I am a risk taker. From the stories I have heard about my childhood, it seems that I have always been that way. I put myself in uncomfortable and scary situations on purpose.
My First Commissioned Piece
I still remember the look on her face when she first saw it. Disgust. "This isn't what I wanted" she said in a tone that was bitter, almost irate. I remember entering the room and her reaction, I don't remember much else.
