Call Me They
Last year was a challenging year for me. For a long time, I have been living in a self-imposed bubble. I was never involved in politics. My excuse was that I wasn’t a citizen. And then, Trump happened. It was a wake-up call for me. I didn’t realize the extent of prejudice that existed since I have always surrounded myself with open-minded and compassionate people. After the election, I became a social rights activist - not in the same manner as those I admire, but in my way. I started going to demonstrations. I wrote letters. I painted what I felt. Then, I attended Greenpeace Action Camp.
This camp changed my life in many ways. I met phenomenal people who were making radical changes in their community. I saw the gears that turn the systems of oppression. But most importantly, I connected deeply with beautiful people in the Art Track, and it was their stories that impacted me the most.
Suddenly, something occurred to me. Perhaps the best way for me to contribute to this movement is by sharing their stories. And so, here I am trying my best to tell these stories with paintings and words when words often fail me.
When I first met Jonathan, their energy drew me in. Their compassion and love for others were palpable. I knew right away that I wanted to know more. A few months ago, Jonathan and I finally got the chance to connect, and I got an hour of time with this precious human being. Here is a snippet of their story.
Jonathan came out in February 2015 but they always knew they were not part of the binary. They were called a “weirdo” and “freak,” but they just didn’t know why. Gendering always felt like an erasure of identity for Jonathan. On top of being black, if they wore a skirt or dress in the south, prejudice was magnified. What Jonathan quickly learned was that prejudice was layered. Even within the black community, Jonathan encountered comments such as “how are we going to have black power when you have ‘black men in dresses.’” There is transphobia within the black community and in the larger community, both black and transgendered people face prejudice. Furthermore, within the trans community, Jonathan felt that they were not “trans enough.”
It felt like no matter what group Jonathan was a part of, they did not quite fit in. If that wasn’t bad enough, they did not feel physically safe when they wanted to be who they were. Thus, the journey of self-discovery and self-love was arduous. Self-acceptance was especially tricky growing up in a traditional Christian family. It took their family some time to accept that this was not just a “phase.” Jonathan believes that it was especially difficult for their family to accept since they were an only child. Jonathan mentioned that they were alone with their thoughts since birth and these thoughts were mostly abusive. Jonathan described how hard it was to unlearn self-abusive thoughts when they practiced abusive thoughts for 18 years. “That has been one of the hardest things to unlearn. I knew I should not talk to myself that way.”
Jonathan’s purpose in life is to be a healer, grower and a provider of life. That is their ultimate driving factor. They recently worked on a farm, and this was this story that impacted me the most.
The farm experience was quite the experience for Jonathan. It was there that Jonathan found out how much they can take. They were the only black person there. The farm manager was blatantly racist. He would make comments that suggested that the kids (baby goats) were afraid of Jonathan because they were black. Jonathan would overhear the manager talking to the locals about “what a hard worker the black man was.” In this town of 24 people, everything about Jonathan was centered on their “blackness.” If that wasn’t bad enough, the manager lied about the pay. They were promised a stipend of $750 each month, but they only got paid $250 despite working six days a week for 12 hours totaling 72 hours a week. Even with room and board, someone tell me how this is fair!
This experience taught Jonathan how to be deliberate in their stance and how to declare their needs. The main thing that they learned is taking care of themselves and not just the plants. They had to reconnect with the spiritual practice of growing food. Part of this spiritual practice was to honor their ancestors. Jonathan mentioned that their legacy is tied to slavery - something that is very real for Jonathan.
When I asked Jonathan what they wanted in life, they answered that their ultimate goal is to be the steward of the land with others. They wish to have a place where queer, trans and non-binary folks can come, feel safe and learn about growing food while acknowledging the indigenous people that lived on the land before.
Advice Jonathan would give to others going through a similar circumstance is to be patient. “Don’t let anyone tell you who you are. Your gender is your own, and no one should determine it for you. Every day it is going to be a process, but it is not a burden. It is a part of life, and it is a celebration because it is a part of life.”
Thank you, Jonathan, for sharing your story. You are a beautiful human being. I have so much love for you.
Detailed picture with better (indoor) lighting below:
(03.07.18)
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Also in Personal Art Blog
Interactive Murals for Kyruus
Maternity Series - Artist Statement
Color is a focus of my work for a variety of reasons, but the main reason is for healing. My father was an angry and violent man. He took out his rage on his family daily and I took it upon myself to protect my mother and brother from him by becoming the focus of his fury. We didn’t have much, but my mother filled our home with colorful art to bring radiance into an otherwise dark place. I followed in her footsteps and escaped into vibrant art of all shapes and forms. Getting into the flow of mindful art creation has been the single most important part of my healing. I hope to share the happiness that colorful art brings me with others, especially children.
